MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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