i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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