When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
