I'm so fucking centered right now
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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