I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
