Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
