Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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