so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
