You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize