I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
