Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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