Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
