Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
