bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize