is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My ass is underappreciated
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
