The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
