Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I have post one night stand depression
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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