broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
