no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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