is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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