Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
