3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
