Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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