Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
