dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
