I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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