i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
