I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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