One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I will die if light touches me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
