you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
