tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize