M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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