cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
