Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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