would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
BRING THE BAGELS
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
