Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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