Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
