i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
