I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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