I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
