I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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