The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm both gender and math confused
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
