More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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