So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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