we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
