Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
