Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
