I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
