I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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