I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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