So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
