honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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