I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
