I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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