Your face is a jimmy john
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
