4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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