Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
