As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You ate ashes out of my bong
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
