that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
