Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
