U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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