He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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