We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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