they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
