So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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