my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
