do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
