You're completely useless in the revolution.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
