I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
