I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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