I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
